MCL @ 9

Happy Foundation week, MCL!

May kanta na "Miss kita 'pag Tuesday" pero baliktad sa sitwasyon namin kasi tuwing Tuesday ko siya whole day kasama. Tuwing Tuesday ko lang siya hindi namimiss. hihi. 

This will be short kasi gusto ko lang naman i-share yung coincidence na parehas kaming may captain america na suot. Shirt yung sakin, shoes yung kanya. I love unplanned moments like this. I love him. 

I knew it wasn't over..

I'm glad I convinced/forced you last night to talk to me in person because all failed relationships need closure. You can't just end things through SMS and get away with it, you know.

I was at school, Malayan Colleges Laguna, because it was our enrollment day. I was with my friend, Karlo, outside room 200 where our CM's (Certificate of Matriculation) were being processed. I told him that I was supposed to talk to my EX today to formally end things. After getting our CM's, he asked me where I would go next since we were officially enrolled, then I looked back smiling and there I saw my EX, we were both wearing stripes, his face was so emotionless as in define "POKER FACE", I mean, he's the one who broke my heart and yet he's the one with the grouchy face and I'm the one smiling. (Bad decision breaking up with me, maybe? JK) Anyway, I answered Karlo after seeing my EX, "dito lang ako, siguro"

I waited for him until he finished enrolling then we talked at SP (South Point) and even though I rehearsed it in my head countless of times, nung kaharap na kita, I got lost for words. Di ko na alam sasabihin ko, shet.

I said, "Di ka ba natutuwa?"
He said, "Bakit?"
I answered, "Kasi parehas tayo ng damit"
You laughed and said "Last night, humingi ako ng sign na kapag sinuot mo rin yung stripes mong damit, babalikan kita"
And kidding, I said "Thank you Lord!!"

Tapos after a long conversation, dumating na sa point na nag-agree na kami na maging friends nalang pero as soon as we both agreed, tinabihan niya ako, he put his head on my arm and asked, "Gusto mo pa ba?" Di ko alam sasabihin ko, eto yung gusto kong marinig pero ngayong narinig ko na, di ko alam pano mag-respond. Sabi pa niya, "Kanina ko pa pinipigilan sarili ko, gusto kitang yakapin." and so he did and I did nothing but thank God because the love of my life is now hugging me just when I thought I would never feel this again.

Long story short, we got back together. Pero, secret lang daw muna. Nung nalaman kasi sa side ng family niya na wala na kami, tuwang tuwa daw sila. Not because ayaw nila sakin or anything pero kasi siya yung inaasahan sa kanila eh and they want nothing more but for their son to graduate and have a great job and maybe having a girlfriend would hinder that kaya nung wala na si girlfriend, natuwa sila. Medyo masakit, I'll admit. Ayun, natakot siya na baka 'pag nalaman na binalikan niya girlfriend niya, baka tamarin na yung nagpapa-aral sa kanya pagaralin siya kaya I agreed nalang. Para sakin, mas okay na yung patago siyang akin, kesa mawala siya ng tuluyan sa buhay ko. Sabi nga, "You can never be friends with someone you have feelings for"

After talking, sinamahan ko siya sa SM kasi bibili siya ng school supplies. Kumain kami sa Mang Inasal and after that, umuwi na kami. I wished that day would never end pero kailangan eh. I know the more I long for you, the more my heart would want you. I love you so much. Thanks for coming back into my life.

Benefit of the doubt

Maybe I should have given him the benefit of the doubt. He is a closed book. He feels and thinks things but cannot express it completely to you. I don't know what's going on in his head the entire time and I have this bad habit of jumping into conclusions. Maybe he was so confused and stressed out that made him do things that he doesn't really want to do. I don't know. I guess I just miss him and I hate the thought that maybe he doesn't feel the same. 

My side of the story.

You could have chosen a better time to break my heart. Seriously? Ngayon kung kelan malapit na matapos ang taon? 2 months nalang oh, anniversary na natin. You could not even wait until makauwi ako para mapagusapan natin ng personal. Napakabilis mong sumuko. It makes me wonder kung lalaki ka nga ba talaga.


A few days ago, out of the blue, I asked kung magiging friends kaya tayo pag nag-break tayo? And you said "Idk babe. I don't want to think about us breaking up" and nung lumabo na lahat, you said "maybe kelangan lang natin ng time" and so time was given pero nung dumating na ulit sa usapan kung pano natin aayusin yung relasyon natin, ang katangi-tanging solusyon lang na naisip mo is "if we can't save the relationship, can we at least save our friendship?" Seriously?! You don't want to think about us breaking up but when it's time to think about what to do to save our relationship, suddenly breaking up is the only solution? Bullshit.


Pasabi-sabi ka pa ng "I love you so much. I don't want to lose you" pero kung bitawan mo ko, ganun-ganun na lang. Aba gago ka pala eh.


I guess the reason why I'm so angry because I could have given you everything, but you would not let me. I can love you with all that I am, but you would not do the same. Yun naman talaga ang problema sa'ting mga tao eh. Ang hilig natin mag-expect. Kapag inexpect mo na gagawin ng isang tao lahat ng kaya mong gawin para sa kanya? Masasaktan ka lang. Walang ganun. Totoo nga ang sinasabi nila. Walang forever.

This time last year, everything was so different. I was head over heels in love over a guy who was playing "hot and cold" so hard, it pissed off Katy Perry. There was also another guy who would do almost anything to win my heart. I ended up with guy number 2 but when he succeeded in winning my heart, he changed. Suddenly, I felt insignificant. As if winning my heart was the only goal, and keeping it was no longer part of the plan. To be fair, it was not his intention to make me feel unloved but to be honest, he did not know what to do to make me feel the opposite. What happened? Why did anything had to change? How can you keep something that's already gone? These questions are haunting me and hopefully before this year ends, I'll have all the answers.

The Fault in Our Stars Pt. 2

I am not fond of books nor reading. Whenever I have a book on hand and I start reading it, I can't wait for it to end. But after watching #TFIOS and watching it again, I got intrigued about the parts that they left out because all book-based movies are altered since it is impossible to fit all the tiny details there is on the book onto a two-hour movie.

I had the idea of buying the book and so I shared this thought with my paramour, but being thrifty as he is, he indirectly asked me knowing about my money issues whether spending on a book is a good idea at the moment and so I asked a friend of mine who is a reader and asked whether he has a pdf of the book, unfortunately he doesn't but told me to search for it and I could easily find one and indeed I did.

I downloaded the pdf of tfios and I started reading it around 3 this afternoon and I finished just now. As the non-reader that I am, I don't know why I couldn't get my eyes off of the pdf, I couldn't stop reading. It was fascinating. If my heart could smile, I'm sure it smiled every time I read about either Hazel Grace or Augustus Waters expressed his/her love towards the other. I teared up at the last few chapters because although Augustus died, that love that Hazel Grace had for Augustus stayed until the end hopefully until this very day if ever it isn't fiction.

I am loving it so far. More movies please :)

The Fault in Our Stars - How it amazed me and left me hanging

The first time I watched TFIOS on my laptop, I was with my boyfriend, Jovoy Santos. We shared this busted earphones that could hear perfectly on the left but almost negligible on the right. I used the right one because I love the feeling of sacrificing for your loved one no matter how tiny it is of a deal. I don't know why I couldn't search for legit English subtitles then and so we watched with bearable audio and no subtitles. (FWP I know, forgive me, hehe)

More to my point, today, September 6, 2014, I re-watched the said movie on my own. I was able to find English subs finally and I had my earphones all to myself which made it possible for me to focus on the movie and to really understand the whole plot. 

Hazel Grace Lancaster had this favorite novel, An Imperial Affliction. I searched it if it was real but apparently it isn't. I'm not much of a reader but after watching TFIOS, I wanted to read the shit out of AIA. Anyway, the novel was about Anna, a girl who is diagnosed with cancer, and the ending of the novel was "evil" as quoted by Augustus Waters because somehow the protagonist died in the middle of the sentence, and it leaves you hanging. It is amazing how John Green, the author of TFIOS, somehow managed to make us feel how Hazel Grace and Augustus Waters felt after reading AIA.

At the ending of the movie, Hazel Grace was reading the eulogy made by Gus and how he said that he is happy about his decisions and he hopes that Hazel Grace was also happy with hers and asked her "Okay, Hazel Grace?" and Hazel Grace was looking right at the screen and responded "Okay." then closed her eyes and rolled the credits. I mean, then what...?

I now know what Gus meant by 'evil'. I mean, I want to know what happens next. Did she die? Did she miraculously recovered? Did the closing of her eyes meant that she closed her eyes on the world and joined Gus on the other side? What happened to her parents? What? 

I hope John Green is not a drunk dude who I would hope to get in contact with in the future because I have a few questions for him, too, the way Hazel had questions for Peter Van Houten. 

Overall, the movie was amazing. It was very touching and for those of you who haven't watched it yet, well, go watch it, right now. It will inspire you, trust me. or don't. How could you trust me, you barely know me. hehe. 

Signed,

Yen